areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
