Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
