just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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