I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
