We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
tell me about the fingering
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