yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
