Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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