If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
