I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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