zippers are such a cool invention
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
