Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
