What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
