Soap is not a condiment
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
