Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
