Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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