He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
