there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
