Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
