dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
