I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
