he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Welp...herpes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize