oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
