Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
