Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
