and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
