thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
