apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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