Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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