I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
