glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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