I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
