Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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