What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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