he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
