Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
