we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
