why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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