You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
