she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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