Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
