i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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