a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
