i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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