there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
