Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
