guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
