Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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