I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
