There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize