i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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