All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
