he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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