Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
