I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Randomize
