i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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