doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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