you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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