I want to have your abortion
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
