We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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