Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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