I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
