he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
