I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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