I'm gonna have a badass scar
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
