i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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