Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
