Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
