Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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