the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
