I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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