Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize