Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
