Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
