I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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