Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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