How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
