I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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