You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
