The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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