I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
