I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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