but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
birth control should be required to get into college
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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